Beta Quadra Duality (ENFJ & ISTP)
This was originally a Russian Socionics article, but for ease of understanding have used the most closely corresponding MBTI types in the following translation
ENFJ (ENFj; EIE; Fe-Ni): Being an idealist by nature, ENFJ considers his life to be in vain if he has failed to vividly express himself through a strong passion or bring some benefit to people. He feels a constant desire for spiritual growth and development, has an interest in anything novel, enigmatic and unknown. Having set a goal, ENFJ is rarely distracted from it and he usually gets his way. Sometimes, his inability to deviate from what he has planned results in reckless action. He needs the help of a calm, strong and sensible partner.
ENFJ is able to emotionally affect others, to get them inspired and involved in working on a project or a task. His emotions are characterized by their strength, depth, “obsessive focus”, and often dramatic nature, while his internal contradictions and variations are often unbearable even for him. He needs a partner who, seeing the alternations in his mood and judgments, lack of sober realism and sound logic, could resolve his problems with rational and practical advice.
ENFJ internally finds it difficult to relax, to feel in harmony with the environment and people. Because of this, he often provokes controversy with others. He needs a sustained, steadfast, and sufficiently resistant to stress partner.
Being a strong-willed and thorough person, ISTP organizes and stabilizes activities and feelings of his dual, stoically enduring through his emotional outbursts. In addition, he resolves all the difficult tasks for his partner: deals with economic and domestic problems, researches necessary information, patiently and unambiguously explains how to do some task, instructs on current regulations, describes the most logical sequence of the steps. He takes on thinking through the details of a problem, splits it into stages and overcomes any obstacles with unwavering tenacity and patience.
In such a conscientious and reliable person ENFJ finds his support. With ISTP at his side, he is not afraid of any difficulties. Attention and care, compassion and assistance, detailed logical explanation of any events and phenomena soothe the volatile nature of ENFJ.
ISTP (ISTj, LSI, Ti-Se): ISTP, as a rule, does not believe in luck but prefers being the “architect of his own happiness.” Therefore, he plans everything and steadily moves toward his goals, being distinguished by high capacity for work and absolution from ups and downs of moods. He is responsible, accurate in detail, not afraid of difficulties, both mentally and physically tough.
For all his merits, he has several shortcomings. He is suspicious, poorly versed in the motives and capabilities of other people. Despite the fact that the ISTP can be a pleasant companion, capable of giving compliments and praises to someone whom he likes, he quickly grows tired of this. Then withdraws from the public, submerges into himself. He is not inconvenienced by prolonged solitude. Dispassionate by his nature, he seldom sincerely grows attached to anyone, and for this may be considered an aloof and cold man. He needs an emotive, communicative partner who would be able to affect his feelings, arouse his sociability, fuel and revitalize the relationship with his emotions.
Not everyone is impressed by the tendency of ISTP to make remarks, and more so by his demands of work being carried out, that suffer from over-organization and excessive scrupulousness. He poorly perceives potential and prospects of new undertakings. Due to this, he can be overly conservative on issues that could benefit from unconventional approaches. It takes time for him to absorb, analyze and adapt new notions and ideas. He perceives people who violate the current order as disruptive. Therefore, he needs help of a motivated, obstinate and impassioned partner, who won’t try to break him out of his habits, but will bring him to change very gradually but persistently. ENFJ possesses the gift of persuasion like no other type. He clearly explains the prospects of any matter, as well as the dangers that lie ahead if one continues with the old methods and attitudes.
Well versed in the capabilities and intentions of people, ENFJ alleviates the unnecessary suspicions of ISTP and fills his life with new impressions and experiences. He helps in professional sphere as well, striking up new contacts and introducing new and promising practices. With his foresight and intuition for danger and mishaps, ENFJ is able to forewarn ISTP and divert him from making possible mistakes.
Terms of dualization:
1. ENFJ should comply with the main requirements of ISTP regarding planning of affairs and maintenance of order. Do not try to break the habits of ISTP or change his established methods and views on life. If it is difficult to adapt to him, you can try to persuade him otherwise over a period of time.
2. ISTP stubbornly imposes on his partner his methods of work and his own worldview. It is best to accept him as he is, be respectful of his pursuits and interests, giving only the necessary advice along the way. Periodically make compliments and demonstrate your affection.
3. ISTP should give more attention to and trust the advice and requests of his dual, especially when it concerns relations with other people and future prospects. ENFJ, in turn, may rely on his partner in the official-business and domestic matters, gratefully accepting his care and assistance.
4. With regard to psychological, emotional and sexual aspects of these relations, you need to know that ISTP finds appeal in a partner who is passionate, poetic and willingly talks about his feelings, who is able to “melt the ice” with his strong emotions. At the same ENFJ should not rush to close the distance, so that his partner would not consider him too accessible and lose confidence in him. First, the right emotional tone should be created, without resorting too much to candid confessions. Then wait for when reciprocal feelings will ripen, and only then go on offensive.
When it comes to intimacy, ENFJ should not rush to show his skill in seduction. ISTP likes a sublime yet modest partner, whom he can teach and show “what is needed” to the extent he deems it acceptable. In this pair, ENFJ takes lead in emotional life of the dyad, while sensing remains the sovereignty of ISTP. Otherwise there will be disagreement and dissonance.
In appealing to ENFJ, first he must be convinced of your integrity, seriousness and reliability. ENFJ shouldn’t have any doubts or feel himself in danger. Only then, he won’t experience the need to test his partner with unpredictable shifts in mood and uncontrollable behavior.
In sexual behavior of this dyad, ENFJ experiences a few problems: he may either be too shy or too direct and frank. His partner needs to show him an optimal style of behavior. Then there will be no need to overcome uncertainty and timidity, nor excessive brazenness and looseness. Without such guidance, ENFJ will continue to exasperate and torture himself, and project his dissatisfaction onto his partner. He is in much need of various signs of attention — words, gifts, and gestures — that will confirm the love of his dual.
Relationships in this dyad are built on the principle of “infliction and endurance” (“Kama Sutra”). Therefore, it is sometimes difficult to say who is the “aggressor” and who is the “victim”. Both types show obstinacy in relations and often this leads to quarrels. ENFJ is able to assert his independence in the psychological play-fighting with his partner, and frequently he wins. However, if he, after all, does not acquiesce and admit to being defeated even a bit, he will have a very difficult time. It is recommended to develop a more harmonious style of communication: ENFJ — be more flexible and diplomatic, and ISTP — do not overuse volitional pressure and practice tolerance for weaknesses in another.
